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Joke of the Day

"Got super excited about a 200 meter butterfly till someone explained it to me."

"How do you spot a vegan at a party? Don't worry, they'll let you know."

"My doctor recently told me that I had to stop masturbating. When I asked him why he said ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"If we're dating and you call me bae, boo or daddy... I'm walking out on you like, well, your daddy."

"Welcome to kleptomaniac club. I see you already took a brochure."

"Maybe if I answer the door naked the pizza delivery guy won't realize I paid with Monopoly money."

"A riddle or a joke? You are at a party with over 100 people, how can you tell which one is a pilot? He'll tell you."

"Passer-by: hey buddy, do you have change for the phonebox? Clark Kent: why would I change in a phonebox? P: I didnt- CK: I'm not Superman"

"""Dad, why isn't there chocolate meatloaf?"" - my brilliant 3 year old son Patrick"

"What brand of Vacuum Cleaner does Snoop Dogg use? Bissell"