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Joke of the Day

"TUMBLR What shoes does a tumblr girl wear? *Ughs*"

"What is the difference between michael jackson and pimples? Pimples wait until you're thirteen before they come all over your face."

"An Iraqi official calls all of his 8 Saddam's doubles... He says, i have good news, and bad news. The good is that Saddam is alive, the bad is that he lost an arm."

"Usain Bolt doesn't know shit bout speed compared to a parent putting their hand over their kids mouth when they see someone w/ an eye patch."

"[at restaurant]] 8yo: why does mom eat half of your food? Me: because.. Wife *evil glare* Me *terrified* because I don't want it."

"There are 70 ways to make a man happy... One is booze and the other is 69."

"If I was named Edward Normus, I'd use my first name's initial and my last name as much as I possibly could."

"Why did the police drop the charges against the man accused of being an olive branch? Because the charges wooden stick. My humblest apologies. * The case! Drop the case! Ah fuckit."

"When is the best time to have diarrhea? During scrabble. Because it's worth a shitload of points. - Zach Galifianakis"

"What are 3 words that men hate during sex? *""Honey*, I'm home!"""