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Joke of the Day

"If you didn't want me to wash my car on your lawn than you never should have turned your sprinkler on."

"My calculus professor recently divorced his wife .. .. one day he simply told her ""I'm making a you substitution""."

"You're how old? *does quick math in head* Ok! I'm not old enough to be your mom ...lets do this! -justifying a bad decision with math"

"I respect the guy who drives his Blue BMW through the White Castle drive thru. It's like he's saying: ""I'm better than youbut not by much."""

"What do you call a blonde standing on her hands? A brunette with bad breath."

"No one can text faster than a pissed off woman"

"Why did the melon insist on having a big wedding? Because it cantaloupe."

"How can you tell if someone loves bacon? Don't worry, they'll tell you that stupid vegan joke."

"My kleptomania is getting worse I even stole this joke"

"My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got fired because I couldn't concentrate."