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Joke of the Day

"People who eat hotdogs from a gas station, you know there's faster ways to commit suicide?"

"What do u call a Jew? Jewish"

"""tell... my wife... i loved her..."" carl dies. NOO! U LOVED HER WHAT?! *shakes body* U LOVED HER... TITYS? HER CAT? *slaps face* PLS WAKE UP"

"If you whisper, ""we're being watched,"" you can hug a stranger for as long as you want. My record is 13 days."

"My grandmother finds it important to stay in shape, so she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."

"i like how at this walmart they put baby food products in the checkout lane. like oops thats right i have a baby to feed"

"How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? One. We are efficient and dont have humour. Edit: Wow this blew up. As a German, I didnt expect this."

"Son, there's only one thing in life to fear. [Car full of bears with machine guns drives by] Son, there are only two things in life to fear."

"20 Years Ago... 20 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope. And now, we have no jobs, no cash, and no hope"

"How's it like living in a totalitarian regime? Can't complain."