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Joke of the Day

"U.S. DEPT OF FORESTRY: Sir, we believe you're hunting illegally GUY IN ALL CAMO W/ ORANGE HAT: *takes off hat* USDOF: Dammit we lost him"

"I wanted to write a poem about you but I'm having a difficult time finding the words to rhyme with chlamydia infected narcissistic harpy whore."

"Why did the Chihuahua laugh? The cow jumped over the moon."

"REMINDER: Joe Biden is the only American vice president in the last 15 years who hasn't shot a friend in the face."

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. We are efficient, and lack humor."

"A man is told he is drunk by a Bartender He shouted ""I am not drunk"" The Bartender shouted ""Tell the time!"" The man walked up to the clock and shouted at the Clock ""I AM NOT FUCKING DRUNK"""

"Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead. The sugar bowls empty and so is your head."

"A vampire walks into a bar and asks for for a cup of boiling water The bartender says to the vampire dont vampiers drink blood? the vampire pulls out a used tampon and say yes im making tea!"

"I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small."

"My friend told me Alan Rickman had passed away. I said ""You're joking?"".... ...She replied ""Nope. Dead Sirius."""