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Joke of the Day

"[Couples counseling] ""It's not good to keep these things bottles up, you know"" Okay, fine *opens jar of wasps*"

"Don't you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That's why I do it."

"I dreamt last night that I was a muffler... I woke up exhausted."

"It started with a star and ended with a restraining order."

"Don't ask a pregnant lady ""do you know the sex?"" obviously she knows about sex she's pregnant you stupid idiot"

"Dentists are going on strike. Brace yourselves."

"Whats the difference between jam and jelly? You can't jelly your dick down someones throat."

"Turkey; you are approching to our border! Russia;cyka -stay out of our border! -blyat https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CUkGFOhWsAAKvkB.png"

"New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can't keep him :( He's ginger & named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old & works in IT."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bunny ! Bunny who ? Bunny thing is I've forgotten now !kn"