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Joke of the Day

"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public."

"My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk."

"Me: ""Excuse me, hi"" Her: ""Um, I have a boyfriend"" Me: ""Good for you. I was trying to say your herpes cream fell out of your purse"""

"Do you know why the European stock markets are sliding down? Greece."

"I'm such a tightass when it comes to going to the proctologist. Gotta pay out the ass."

"My girlfriend found lipstick in my pocket, I told her straight up I was cheating, there was no way I was going to confess I sell AVON.."

"Did you know - what is the best thing to put on a delicious cake ? Your MOUTH !!"

"Why do I like sweet potatoes? Cuz they're yammy!!!"

"sir i need to confiscate all the ice cream in your store yes this is just a costume & i'm not a real cop but no one told me i'm pretty today"

"A Baby Whale asks his father where he came from... His father says, ""My penis, son."" ""Oh, thanks Dad"" ""You're Whalecum"""