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Joke of the Day

"Why are the Soviets Russian? Because there's no Stalin."

"A man is lying in a hospital bed. ""Doctor, how long do I have to live?"" asks the man. ""10,"" replies the doctor. ""10 what?"" ""9."""

"Retired colonel talking of the good old days: Have you ever hunted bear? His grandson's teacher: No but I've been fishing in shorts."

"Dad did you manage to fix my toy? No it's not broken the battery's flat. Well what shape should it be?"

"I hate it when candidates put signs on your lawn without even asking your permission. Who the hell is 'Foreclosure'?"

"Just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. Will keep you posted."

"Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Sorry, my cat walked on my keyboard and accidentally typed something Welsh."

"On Halloween I'm going to let kids decide between raisins and a toothbrush so they know what we're going through with this election."

"Pope Innocent is an oxymoron"

"Is it racist if a guy with a small dick calls it his ding dong?"