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Joke of the Day

"I may not show up to work on time, but dammit I leave early."

"You breed dogs? Don't they do that on their own?"

"Even in a suit, Matthew McConaughey looks like he's just been rescued after two weeks lost in the desert."

"What's the difference between a German and a Scot? The German knows when he's not speaking English."

"Donald Trump is already generating millions of the new jobs in America! Thanks to him, protesting is now considered a full time job!"

"Your luggage has wheels on it? You know, that guy Jesus didn't have WHEELS on that cross thingy he had to lug around. You people disgust me."

"An Asian man goes to the eye doctor The eye doctor says, ""Sir, you have a cataract"". And the Asian man says, ""No, I have a Rincoln Contirental""."

"No one is more productive than a guy who's been laying on the couch for two hours and suddenly realizes his wife will be home in 5 minutes."

"I like my women like I like my drain pipes. Covered in a thin layer of PVC and attached to a wall."

"I had no internet or cable last night and I was left with my thoughts. I guess that's why the pioneers usually died so young."