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Joke of the Day

"*explosiom of light* *univrse is created* *earth forms* *plants grow* *a grape fals off a vine adn drys* evreythimg hapens for a raisin"

"If you hold a gift card close enough to your ear you can hear the person who bought it saying, ""this'll do"""

"Beyonce made a song called ""Single Ladies"" then went home to her husband and left you lonely hoes dancing in a circle pretending to be happy"

"Why did the man snort Dr. Pepper? He thought it was Coke!"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo hoo? It's just a joke -- you don't have to cry about it."

"Pretty sure Brazil has an enormous wax museum."

"My girlfriend complained that I never listen to her. At least that's what I think she said."

"Cashier: ""Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of shit?"""

"How long do you have to wear a soul patch before your cravings for souls goes away completely?"

"Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, & acceptance: the five stages of watching them put lettuce on your sandwich at Subway."