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Joke of the Day

"Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: I'm just gonna nap for an hour then"

"A recent study estimated that 8% of all Facebook accounts are fake... unless you count people's personalities, then that number jumps to 93%."

"Ignorant person: ""You're Canadian. You live in igloos, right?"" Me: ""You're American. You live in McDonalds', Right?"

"Fucking irony. My girlfriend of 2.5 years wants a threesome, but doesn't want to share me with other girl..... Update, she would consider if she was witn me and some unknown girl."

"[Crime Scene] Detective: Looks like the killer used a wheelbarrow to dump the victim. [in the shed a wheelbarrow grins, his seventh kill]"

"Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale."

"Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies. They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them."

"Three nuns are sitting on a park bench... ...when a man in a trenchcoat walks up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun has a stroke. The third nun couldn't reach."

"1st thing I do when I take a girl back to my bedroom is act like a stewardess & instruct her where exits are, oxygen masks, & life jackets."

"I feel bad for all of the couples who got married in Vegas last week But at least their love will burn with a firey passion..."