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Joke of the Day

"My husband is going to be so surprised when he finds out the woman I've been sleeping with is way hotter than his girlfriend."

"Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life...!"

"What do princess Diana and pink Floyd have in common? their biggest hits were both the wall"

"I delete enough tweets to know I should never get a tattoo."

"A man walks into a bar... ... because he didn't see it."

"I'm just like Batman I have to get out of bed at night quite often."

"someone just asked ""how do u delete yo life"" U CHEW ON A GRENADE WIT THE PIN OUT"

"Quitting smoking is the easiest thing I've ever done. I've quit hundreds of times."

"College graduates, did you know there are people that went to Princeton that can't find a job? And you just went to a normal shitty school."

"Did you hear about the cannibal walking through the jungle and... he passed his brother?"