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Joke of the Day

"My wife asked me to bring home some stuff for the pancakes yesterday. She wasn't happy when I came back with a push up bra."

"I had a gay friend in high school... ...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable."

"Your car keys will always be in the same pocket as the hand that's carrying 6 bags of groceries. Always."

"There are three types of people I hate Niggers, racists, and hypocrites"

"My car broke down outside Dominos last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift off the driver."

"I heard a Sean Connery film once got am R rating Because he said ""sit"" too many times Edit: shit didn't proofread the title, *an* not *am*"

"I built a lighthouse... but it blew away."

"Confucius Say Women who fly plane upside down have crack up."

"Amazon Review: A History of Criminals Not a bad book. Prose and cons."

"[paddling along the amazon silently in a kayak] wife: ""it's so beautiful"" me: ""can you believe they named this after a website?"""