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Joke of the Day

"Nature is full of strange creatures: carnivororous plants, birds that can't fly, white people with dreadlocks"

"The boiled water died It shall be mist"

"A good way to get to know your date is to ask about their first pet, favorite movie, and mom's maiden name. Then login and read all their emails."

"I'm jealous of my parents, I'll never have a kid as cool as theirs."

"Blondes What is a blondes favourite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme."

"So I walked in to a brothel.. And shortly after entering I began assaulting everyone in the queue...then...umm...shit nevermind, I just punched up the fuckline."

"How do you know you're drinking too many protein shakes? You've had whey too much!"

"I used to work at a public swimming pool But I got fired because every time I saw an Islamic family I pointed to the no bombing sighn"

"I'm going to the new Tom Cruise movie at midnight. Seeing it on the Edge of Tomorrow."

"How I wear a scarf: 1. Take scarf and drape it over my shoulder 2. Find an annoying co-worker and choke them to death with it. 3. Repeat"