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Joke of the Day

"Why did Bob get 'Emo' Grass for his lawn? Because it cuts itself."

"A dog fell 15 stories into a hot tub and lived to tail about it."

"Guys, this may all be some sort of marketing ploy, but if the email I just received is accurate then local singles want to fuck."

"What's the biggest advantage of being a smoker? Not having to set aside money for your old age."

"I just bought some ""ribbed cotton tank t-shirts"" at WalMart. You'd think that'd be the one place on earth they'd call them wifebeaters."

"You know what screw programming C-out"

"Every day, for the last two years, I've been putting something aside for a rainy day... ... But what am I going to do with 500 umbrellas and 200 pairs of wellies?"

"*wears a tuxedo tshirt to interview as a joke* McDonald's Manager: Oh wow, are you from corporate?"

"I was chasing a girl with a dildo through the park. I would have left her alone, if she'd just given me back my dildo."

"What's the worst kind of incompetent? Leader."