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Joke of the Day

"I've finally reached the age where I can't function without my glasses...especially if they're empty."

"Me: Let's go to Chipotle Justin: Hold on. My leg is asleep Me: *whispering* Oh, sorry. Let's go to Chipotle"

"Do you remember that time you met Bill Cosby? No? Add another one to the list!"

"Teachers at the pre-school ask why I'm in a good mood in the morning... I'm like, ""Duh...did you not see me just leave my kids with you?"""

"What does 2 electrons say when the meet each other ? Hey, watt's up ?"

"i just went to a bar god damn, it was one sharp crowbar."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Avery ! Avery who ? Avery time I come to your house we go through this !"

"A woman who's husband died is called a widow, what do you call a husband who's wife died? Lucky"

"What does it's job ONLY after it has been fired? A bullet"

"restaurant Waiter: Your coffee Me: Could I have a little spoon please? Waiter: Certainly *delicately embraces me from behind* Me: lovely"