161077

Joke of the Day

"Oh, hey guys how were the bars tonight? That's cool. In case you were wondering all of the Harry Potter movies are still really good."

"*raises the bar 16 yrs later] Bar: even though you weren't my real father I always wanted to call you, dad. Dad. *me trying not to cry"

"If there was a black character in Clue, the game would be called Solved."

"""You're mother."" (thing to say to your mother)."

"Great! My hot neighbor Karen just saw me in the toilet paper aisle at the supermarket! Now she's gonna know I shit!"

"What do you do when your Apple device gets warm? Ask apple to open the backdoor."

"I don't know what's more disturbing? My son reading a billboard that says ""LIVE NUDE GIRLS"" or him asking if there's dead ones."

"What do Mexican people call really upbeat TV shows? CCTV"

"The opposite of Iceland is water water"

"Woman calls 911 about a peeping tom in her yard 911: ""How do you know he's a peeping tom?"" Woman: ""When I asked him what he was doing out there, he said 'I was trying to get a pikachu'""."