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Joke of the Day

"Found a note on my door today that said ""You're Awesome!"" (: I'm the one that wrote it. But still... feels fucking good!"

"What's the best thing about an Ethiopian? They'll always swallow"

"Whats the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana? Tiger Woods had a better driver."

"Child: ""Mom! Mom! The dog is having it off and is f*cking!"" Mom: ""Yeah, then don't look!"" --- ___ --- ___ --- | --- ___ --- 20 seconds later the Child: ""But it hurts..."""

"Dude in front of me at Starbucks made a big show about calling his Grande a ""medium"" and the barista was like, ""Uck, this again"""

"Reforming FIFA analogy-1 Reforming FIFA by Sep Blatter is like reforming Tax for wealthy people by Donald Trump"

"TIFU when I went to Subways... Whoops wrong sub. Oh wait. This has been done before, hasn't it? You probably Reddit already."

"What phrase do prostitutes and mafia members both say? You lookin to get whacked?"

"Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I get super sad and want to hug them. I know life is tough for the visually impaired."

"sew myself into an anime body pillow, trick some unsuspecting outcast into loving a human. the ultimate prank"