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Joke of the Day

"My wife and I have a new arrangement. I can sleep with any woman I want, but she doesn't speak to me or live with me anymore."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number; you've probably never heard of it."

"*buying teacher's gifts* 7: Mrs. J said she hates candles. Me: {recalling mountain of homework every night} Pumpkin Spice Candle it is then!"

"Don't be that guy that tells people not to be ""that guy."""

"Racist joke NSFW: What do you say to a black man in a suit? ""Will the defendant please rise"""

"Fake friends are around when you are cool. True friends are around even if they think you're a fool."

"Falling in love makes you do stupid things. Once I even got married."

"What's a ego maniac's favorite candy? Air heads"

"Why did the baker have smelly hands? He kneaded a poo."

"Words can not even begin to describe your beauty and how much I need to borrow your car."