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Joke of the Day

"""911 what's your emergency?"" ""Yeah, I've got so many questions about bees."" *sighs* ""Please hold for the president."""

"WIFE: Shouldn't you be at work? ME: I took care of it. BOSS: [to the cardboard cutout of Shaq with my face glued on it] Nice work today."

"The flower had an unexpected pregnancy... So it went to Plant Parenthood."

"Why did the pig avoid the cooking class? Because he didn't like bakin"

"Today I learned that Disney had to rename Moana in Italy because an Italian pornstar has the same name AND NO ONE KNOOOOOOOOWS HOW DEEP SHE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOES."

"Well-known lodging chain announced it was creating a line of nofrills hotels. The only way you'll see a chocolate on the pillow now is if the last guest was eating an M&M."

"How many dead babies, does it take to change a lightbulb? ...not 7, because it's still dark in my basement"

"Have I told ya my pizza joke? Augh nvm, its probably too cheesy"

"What do you call a Mexican Midget? A paragraph, because he's too short to be an essay."

"Water leak. No water for 2 days. Then the plumber cut the cable line. No internet. No TV. 2 stinky teenagers. Send wine and bail money."