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Joke of the Day

"My grandfather's final words before he kicked the bucket were... ""I'm gonna kick this bucket!"""

"I hope Rand Paul doesn't pick Scott Walker as his VP I have a feeling Paul/Walker would crash and burn. Edit: thanks for the gold! It's my first!"

"I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something."

"Whoever thought of appetizers was literally like ""we should pregame this food w more food"" and I think that's really beautiful"

"What happened when Apple added the new touchbar? They're taking away functions, and there's no escape."

"Jamiroquai, because Jamirodepwessed."

"You remember when you were a kid, you had tons of fun blowing bubbles in the bathtub? I saw Bubbles the other day, he told me to say ""Hi!""."

"My wife and I just celebrated our 5th anniversary. A traditional gift would be something wood. So I gave her some wood. ALL NIGHT LONG."

"most offensive jokes I want to hear the most offensive jokes you have ever heard or told. Send that shit in. Because I loves me some offensive jokes."

"How does every racist joke start? With a look over your shoulder."