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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a guy who plays the guitar unplugged? An amputee"

"Money is the root of all wealth."

"Ive tried everything to get my dog to behave. Ive tried shoving it into a wool tube, stabbing it in the neck and head, etc. nothing works."

"The camera adds 10 pounds. The front facing iPhone camera adds 437 pounds."

"These animal crackers are bullshit, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did."

"Principal: Do you do your homework? Kid: Now & Then Principal: Where do you do it? Kid: Here & There Principal: Put him in the closet!!! Kid: Hey When will I get out? Principal: Oh sooner or later"

"Don't like tipping bathroom attendants for merely handing me a towel. Maybe if he performed a service like wiping my ass I'd consider it."

"""When you wish upon a star, it takes trillions of years for the wish to get there, and by that stage you're dead."" - Neil deGrasse Tyson."

"What's the best thing about dark humor? People don't take it lightly."

"What's the Russian word for water? Vodka"