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Joke of the Day

"What does Matt Damon call thrift shopping? Goodwill Hunting."

"Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed."

"What do you get when you breed an elephant with a rhino? A visit from the university board of ethics."

"Why did the duck go to jail? For smoking quack!"

"I'm gonna be honest with you... Particle accelerators give me a hadron."

"A boy asks the teacher, ""what's infinity?"" Teacher: ""think of a number."" Boy: ""ok, I've got one."" Teacher: ""good, that's not it!"""

"If you refuse to take a nap... Are you resisting a rest?"

"Boss: you're late Me: traffic Carol: he was in his car taking selfies again Me: goddammit Carol, I will cut you"

"The ladder A man was trapped in a burning building and a firefighter yelled through the window, ""You have two possible exit points, this ladder or the stairs."" The man chose the latter. He died."

"What goes ""clip-clop-clip-clop-bang?"" An Amish drive by."