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Joke of the Day

"One good thing about Hilary as president. One good thing about having Hilary as president is that we wouldn't have to pay her as much."

"My wife is a sex object Every time I ask for sex she objects."

"A Funeral Director isn't the best position in this economy... It's a dying trade"

"Girlfriend's mascara died and I gave it a funeral, you know what they say... Lashes to lashes and dust to dust."

"I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

"Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you just plow thru Uranus because it's all gas. I cannot respond maturely."

"""Honey, have you seen the baby? I haven't seen the baby since I asked you to throw out the bath wat--OH DEAR GOD!!"" - birth of an expression"

"A black guy and a Mexican are riding a car. Who's driving? The police"

"""look, you know i LOVE calling birds. love. but FOUR? jesus, phil, i don't have room for this shit and you knew that!"""

"I just got a great deal on a Flesh Light... Craigslist is the best!"