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Joke of the Day

"Making jokes on Twitter is a lot like making jokes in real life. Except without the frightened faces of strangers on buses"

"Global warming is real the number of hot singles in my area has been increasing since 2007 that cannot be a coincidence"

"My wife and i got along so much better... When we were just brother and sister"

"The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know."

"What's the difference between an ISIS training camp and an elementary school? I don't know, I just fly the drone."

"Q: What's the motto of the Polish Solidarity Union? A: Every man for himself."

"ME: I hate owls [Owl turns his head 180] OWL: What? ME: Oh I didn't see you there OWL: Are you talking behind my back? ME: I'm...I'm not sure"

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question. Feminists can't change shit."

"A frog goes into a bank... Only to *robbit*."

"Do you know what ""La Quinta"" means in Spanish? Next to Denny's"