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Joke of the Day

"Me: damn, doc I'm losing my hair. What can you give me to keep it in? Dr.: a plastic bag"

"What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics? Walking."

"A mathematician was pregnant Her friend asked her: - Boy or girl? - Yes."

"They say an optimist will see a glass as half full, while a pessimist will see it as half empty. Speaking as an alcoholic it's panic stations either way for me."

"What's the difference between a teabag and the English rugby team? A teabag stays in the cup longer..."

"""911? Help, my son has gone missing"" [baby lowers hands from eyes] ""Holy crap he just appeared out of nowhere"""

"""I put on pants for nothing"" - my 10 yo after she got dressed and her soccer game was cancelled. Someone set up her Twitter account."

"How did Little Debby get pregnant? She fell into a box of Ding Dongs"

"What do a Boston Marathon runner and Hitler have in common? Neither can finish a race."

"I'm not racist. I just have a problem with people's tone."