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Joke of the Day
"What's a Londoner's favorite seafood? King's Crustacean."
Next Joke
"I've decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I'm back"
"Conversations with my pets: Me: Please could you Dog: OF COURSE! Me: I haven't said what it Dog: I LOVE YOU! Me: Please could you Cat: No."
"They call cat people crazy but we're not the ones outside at 5AM every morning putting fresh dog poop into tiny baggies."
"Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman's ability to find a reason to post a selfie."
"Is it ""butt"" naked or ""buck"" naked? Either way, this dentist appointment is making me very uncomfortable."
"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put him in the microwave 'till his Bill Withers."
"When I'm in a bathroom stall, please don't yell ""Oh my God oh my God there's a guy in here!"" Respect my privacy."
"Who is the scientist's favorite zombie? The schrodinger cat."
"[stops during sex] If you spin my fanny pack around, there's sandwiches in there. Help yourself."