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Joke of the Day

"everyone's always asking me 'is your son named after the movie?' and I'm like no idiot Sharknado's 5 yrs old and the movie came out in 2013"

"When life hands you 2 Lemons 1 cup sugar 2 tbsp flour 3 tbsp cornstarch 1 cup water 2 tbsp butter 4 eggs 1 pie crust you make lemon meringue"

"Just hired a dirtying lady. About to watch her and my cleaning lady fight it out."

"In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of some phony gods blessing, but because I am enlightened by my... KNAWLEDGE"

"I purposely park three feet away from the drive thru window so Mcdonalds employees can get in their daily stretches."

"Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill? Because he was dead"

"My wife came home one day... ... to find me doing her sister up the arse. ""How could you do this to me?"" she cried. I responded, ""Well, I can't. That's why I'm doing it to her."""

"I bought what I thought was a Burger King But infact it was just a little Wimpy."

"My kid needs me to help him with a report on any famous black scientist. Can we do Dr. Dre?"

"A girl went to Thailand... And came back a changed man."