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Joke of the Day

"So Arnold Schwarzenegger opened a pest control business... Because he was already an Ex Terminator."

"Virgins in Paradise? Suck my balls, Al Qaeda; I got a jacuzzi full of sluts right here in Southern California."

" My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was furious, she said *""what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?""*"

"I've got a joke. So the other day I found out I'm really bad at telling stories."

"Where were you born? Boss: Where were you born? Employ: India .. Boss: which part? Employ: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India ."

"ME: nice fanny pack u weirdo KANGAROO: *puts phone in pouch, pulls out a knife* ME: holy shit"

"Why would Rip Van Winkle make a good janitor? Because he swept for 20 years."

"Q: How did the blonde kill her toy poodle? A: Trying to put batteries in it."

"You know the world has changed... when one of the things your doctor asks you is ""Are you gay?"" when you tell him your butt hurts..."

"My Grandfather has the heart of a lion! And a ban from the cincinnati zoo"