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Joke of the Day

"[Restaurant] Me: I know in your profile it said you were small but I didn[my date falls into her soup]"

"Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion? I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed."

"Yo mama so fat that black holes revolve around her."

"How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed? tape velcro to the ceiling."

"I was the photographer at a vegan wedding this weekend They kept getting mad when I told them to say cheese."

"I wish my grass was emo... so it would cut it self."

"What's red and has two legs? Half a cat"

"Things Ted Cruz and I have in common: 1. Love butter 2. Shy eyes 3. Resurrected from the grave during satanic bloodmoon ritual 4. Brown hair"

"The prize for coming in the top-3 of the children's race was an evil clown. Sadly I came 4th. I would have got away with It if it wasn't for those medalling kids."

"I was having sex with my girlfriend... ... and I said to her, ""Woman, you've got no tits and your pussy is too tight."" She grunted,""Get off my back."""