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Joke of the Day

"Someone tried to touch my ass without my permission. Safe to say, I'm not letting anyone on my farm again."

"The Karma cafe has no menus. You get served what you deserve."

"I'm building an exercise machine for Ray and Dave Davies. I'm still working out the kinks."

"Yo mama so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan."

"Where did Putin tell the protesters where to meet? Crimea River"

"*brushes teeth for seventeen hours straight before dentist appointment* ""Jessica, there is an entire Oreo behind your second molar."""

"I bet the first mohawk was created by a guy trying to even out his sideburns."

"The mail slot on your door is so you can tell the mailman you love him"

"My wife says ""Don't walk away when I'm talking to you"" when 1. she's not talking, she's yelling, and 2. I'm not walking away, I'm retreating"

"How do they practice safe sex in Scotland? They brand the sheep that kick."