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Joke of the Day

"A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer..... ........ than the men who mention it."

"I had sex in an orchard today. I came in cider."

"*A demon tries to posses my soul while I sleep but can't because he's choking on all of the axe body spray I'm wearing*"

"My Jewish friend told me about Krav Maga.... To which I replied ""is that some sort of a legal term?"""

"My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can."

"Have you ever said something and immediately thought ""I didn't know I knew that."""

"In World War 3, which country would retreat first? Iran."

"I spilled skittles down my pants. Do you want to taste the rainbow? #badpickuplines"

"So I was looking for pedophiles in my neighborhood using one of those websites and it asked me to register. Now I am legally obligated to tell you that I am a sex offender"

"I wish I could commute by roller coaster."