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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I can't tell if I'm looking at a captcha or a text from my mom."

"I don't know. I feel like a zoo that specialized in morbidly obese animals would be a fun time but I've had a few drinks so I don't know."

"I had mostly good days in school until.... PrinciPao was hired. Now it just feels like I'm being told what I can and cannot do."

"Two guys walk in to a Bar First Guy orders an H2O. The Other Guy orders H2O too. The Other Guy dies."

"Me: Both of our hamsters died and we just can't part with them Taxidermist: Would you like them mounted? Me: Um no, just holding hands"

"Why did the dog become a lawyer but the cat couldn't? The cat couldn't pass the ""bark exam"""

"I didn't know that numbers were Irish until I started telling time."

"what has 2 legs in the morning and 3 in the afternoon? I have no idea but it's in my basement please send help."

"How do you know your S&M partner works in IT? They insist your safe word has an upper case letter, a lower case letter, and at least one number."

"Doctors in Zurich, Switzerland, in a 14-hour operation, successfully separated the conjoined Facebook account of a husband and wife."