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Joke of the Day

"Fact: In the 80s nobody could have sex until someone started playing a saxophone."

"While I appreciate that you're bringing sexy back, if we're not also discussing who took sexy away, we're only enabling future sexy problems"

"Don't ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like ""always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."""

"True love doesn't care about the look or size of your wallet, it's all about what is inside ..... the wallet."

"Wife: Are you gonna wear that to the cookout? Oh... *reaches under mesh shirt* *takes off nipple ring* Better?"

"What's the difference between a chick pea and potato? I've never paid $50 to have a potato on my face."

"Did you know that 95% of Jews aren't Jews? They're dead"

"Growing up my girlfriend was called the human calculator... but that's just because 14 year old boys would have her do handstands so they could see her boobies."

"How did the blind carpenter regain his eyesight? He picked up his hammer and saw."

"What do cow pastures smell like? Dairy air"