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Joke of the Day

"I think if Abraham Lincoln were alive today... He would probably look around, scream, and then desperately claw at the inside of his coffin."

"Never tell a psycho that they're psycho, because then they feel like they're obligated to prove it."

"Wow kanye west's website is named kanye west .com .. can you believe the ego on this guy. jeez louise."

"Husband getting dressed: Me: Purple and green don't go together. Husband: It works for the Joker. Me: My point exactly."

"I don't understand why people say ""Oh it's just walking distance away"" Everything is walking distance if you have the time."

"A great joke to play on people in their 20's would be to replace the computers in a library with a card catalog."

"what do you call a cow with no legs ground beef"

"When I see lover's names carved in a tree... I don't think it's sweet. I'm just surprised of how many people bring knives on a date."

"9 yo: Hey dad, where is the rest of that ladies bikini? Me: That is actually called a G-string, son. 9: Oh, does the ""G"" stand for gross?"

"Two chimps are in the bath One says ""ooh oooh eek eek"" The other one says ""well put some cold water in then!"""