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Joke of the Day

"What did the hippie say about all of the math problems? They're all, like, equal to me..."

"If someone was shot in a chapel... ...would that count as a mass shooting?"

"Apparently telling someone you'll catch their next wedding is unacceptable, whatevers."

"I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I'm making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it."

"I went to a placenta party the other day... the cervix was terrible."

"What do you call a Canadian fish with no bones? Phil, eh?"

"YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake"

"A man walks in on his wife, an English professor, having sex with his buddy. Honey! How could you! Well.. I'm surprised! She responds: *I'm* surprised. *you* are *astonished*."

"Why did the railroad thief get caught? He forgot to cover his tracks! im^dead^inside"

"You want to hear a paper pun? It's tearable."