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Joke of the Day

"[meeting with boss] ""I need you to go back and fix something that broke yesterday."" ""I DON'T EVEN HAVE A TIME MACHINE!"""

"My family used to move a lot when I was a kid, but I always found them."

"I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, What the hell are you doing with your life?'"

"Light is useful It helps us 'c' things."

"France and Italy declare war... France surrenders and Italy switches sides. Both countries lose."

"My friends bakery had burned down yesterday Now his business is toast."

"What do you call someone aroused by shopping? A buysexual"

"What's the difference between God and Bono?? God doesn't walk around thinking he's Bono!!"

"Friend: just make small talk *later, on date* Me: so...grains of sand Her: uh yea- Me: dwarves Her: are u okay- Me: bottle caps"

"One of my employees took 6 months off work to get in touch with his inner child... ... he came crawling back"