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Joke of the Day

"Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class? Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!"

"if anne hathaway doesnt say anne hatharrived every time she walks into a room she's wasting a great opportunity"

"If you have a shitty job, you probably shouldn't lick your fingers at lunch time."

"Your chances in Vegas are better than you think. 1 out of 5 times you'll get an std."

"Why don't you want to hang out with a dude from Chicago? Because 'Illinois you!"

"The Yin and Yan of Life Life at begining of month: I am the king. let me buy some castles and build an empire Life at month's end: Do I really need two kidneys?"

"Only true feminists will get this Offended"

"I went joggin but came back after five minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than five minutes."

"Why would I be a horrible magician? Cuz I'll fuck a trick up."

"I like my women so intelligent that it takes me days to realize I was insulted."