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Joke of the Day

"Told by the driver of the bus we were on Driver: so you hear president obama is in the hospital right? Us: no we didnt Driver: he cant stop putin"

"I don't need stress management, I just need less stress to manage."

"What happens when almonds die? Diamond"

"What does a french sheep say? Ca ba?"

"What's a sailor's favorite thing to watch at sunset? Knot movies"

"What's the difference between the NBA and a pint of Guinness? Nothing. They're both mostly black, with a little bit of white at the top."

"What's a pirates favorite letter? What is a pirate's favorite letter?"

"What's the difference between dead babies and salads? I don't put my salads in the microwave before I eat them"

"So my friends played a practical joke on me They gave me a candy bar & told me it was chocolate, but it was actually carob. Fucking carob terrorists!"

"Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition."