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Joke of the Day

"In Heaven Me: I can't believe how much stuff the Bible got wrong Gid: You idiots couldn't even get my Giddamn name right"

"Why don't you tell us what's really wrong, loud sneezers?"

"Have you ever smelled mothballs? How did you get their little legs apart?"

"I always open the bathroom door at Starbucks like I'm about to find a dead body in there."

"My wife was stunned!!.. One day my wife and I were cuddling in bed when she said, ""Hon, You are so cozy""... I got offended and yelled back, ""Fuck you.. YOU are sarkozy""..."

"""Shit just got real."" - God, creating the digestive system"

"I did a theatrical performance about puns.. Really it was just a play on words."

"Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark."

"To the guy who named cotton candy: Yes! It looks just like it sounds. To the guy who named Milk Duds: What the hell is wrong with you?"

"If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn't 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?"