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Joke of the Day

"Practicing parenthood on an egg only teaches kids that if you cook your baby it's delicious."

"I just finished a whole stick chap stick without losing it or replacing it. In case any of you women want to know how faithful I am."

"The girl that cut my hair said ""Is there anything else I can do for you?"" and now I'm permanently banned from Famous Hair."

"Neither candidate addressed the fact that we have a Hulk"

"What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp ? A bear faced lyre !"

"Pal: That's an impressive stingray. How'd you catch it? Me:*flashes back to being dressed as girl stingray* You know, the regular way."

"Why can't animals ever have an olympics? Because there's always a cheetah"

"How did the burglary tournament work? it was a round robbin'"

"*sets down half eaten bag of potato chips on the elliptical*"

"Hey Kevin, why do you like fungi on your pizza? Cause I'm a vegetarian."