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Joke of the Day

"*gives you dictionary for your birthday* wow.. i don't know what to say ""that's why i bought it for you"""

"Hey baby, you must be from Ireland because when I look at you, my penis is Dublin"

"Shout out to vegetarians for never having ant problems. All ant scouts find is broccoli crumbs and despair, and who wants to feed on that."

"Why don't Junior League debutantes like group sex? Too many Thank You notes to write."

"What do call an epileptic person in a cabbage patch? Caeser salad."

"Wanna hear a racist joke? What's worse than the Holocaust? The Jews."

"Q: Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called positively atheist? A: Because it hasn't got a prayer."

"Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on the windscreen. It said, ""Parking fine"", so that was nice."

"If the car in front of me were moving any slower, it'd be Paris Hilton's thought process."

"I went to handshake someone and he basically just gripped my thumb and I'm never going to be popular"