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Joke of the Day
"My new fragrance is called Failure and smells roughly like a bowling alley."
Next Joke
"*follows Dreams* ~dream doesn't follow back~ ~unfollows Dream~"
"What is it called when a hacker poops? Logging out"
"[first date] ""Tell me two interesting things about yourself"" well I lie when I'm nervous... ""ok..."" and I invented oatmeal"
"Named my band Scheduled for Demolition so whenever it appears on a marquee, confused people write angry letters to the city council."
"Making a phone call that goes straight to voicemail releases dopamine."
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to turkey!"
"[buying a wood chipper] ME: So does blood splatter everywhere when a body goes in? SALESMAN: What? ME: What?"
"Why does Karl Marx hate earl grey? Because all proper tea is theft."
"Rattlesnakes and Condoms ...two things I don't fuck with."