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Joke of the Day

"[in bed] her: u have done this before, right? me: yes, of course. measure twice, cut once her: what? me: what?"

Next Joke
 
"*intercom comes on* ""Would the owner of a white Jetta with headlight eyelashes please report to the front desk so u can be shot in the face"""
"Its so busy at work... I feel like a priest and all my tickets are altar boys, I need to touch them all."
"Duck you AutoCorrect! You Blimb! I'm way more BadApps than you make me out to be! You Ducking piece of shed..BuckFace Toothless Bastilleday!"
"I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That'll teach 'em. Can't unsee that."
"[How the rap feud started] Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party? 2pac: sure, no biggie Biggie[eavesdropping]: [wipes tears]"
"Do you think bin men get training... ... Or do they just pick it up as they go along?"
"an icicle got in a fight with a cpu it's okay, it's all water under the sandy bridge now"
"Some people talk the talk, others walk the walk. And here I am, a mute in a wheelchair."
"I've been busy. What are we unnecessarily outraged about now?"