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Joke of the Day

"An atheist, a vegan, a libertarian, and a BMW owner walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone in the bar within 2 minutes."

"Me: ""My elbow hurts."" WebMD: ""Elbow cancer."""

"What do you call a lesbian prostitute? A rug hooker."

"Why are the best psychoanalysists Asian? Because they grew up listening to Pink Freud."

"Q: What do snake charmers do in the rain? A: Turn on their windshield vipers."

"Why are Christians so bad at Trigonometry ? They're afraid of sin"

"I'll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one."

"good news and bad news. bad news is the dog pissed on the bed ""we don't have a dog"" *smiles getting ready to deliver the good news*"

"Twitter should have "" Throwing tomato"" button."

"I'd like to think that my exes see me as ""the one who got away,"" but it's probably more like ""the one who got away from the police."""