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Joke of the Day

"So I was at my local dyslexia meeting... And my friend turned to me and said, ""can you smell gas?"" I replied, ""are you kidding? I can't even smell my own name."""

"Whenever I shake someone's hand as I meet them and they say ""The pleasure's all mine."" I quickly look to see where their other hand is."

"Words can't hurt you ...unless they're ""Bet you can do that."""

"What do you call a paraplegic archer? Legolas."

"You know who loves to get fisted? Sock puppets... -credit to Daniel Tosh"

"As I dropped my child off at school today I said, be positive If the race war starts before I get back, that's your blood type"

"Why are there no Walmarts in Iran? Because there's a JC Penny at every corner."

"Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? A: Chelsea."

"A bird in the hand is worth two... Years in prison if you get caught doing it in public."

"what's brown and sticky? A stick."