152578

Joke of the Day

"Nothing says "" My divorce didn't go as planned "" quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars"

"Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? Because they push two twins together to make a king."

"My boyfriend took me to dinner and insisted I order my food in a robot voice, so I took him to bed and insisted he make Chewbacca noises."

"Best response by a nursing home patient ever. I asked my patient, ""how ya feelin today""? He whispers while still half asleep, ""with my fingers."""

"Told my kid that he had a viral infection and now he's excited because he thinks he's going to be famous online."

"My Wife and I are into S&M.. Edit: Typo: M&M. We like M&Ms."

"It really annoys me when people who barely know you want to become Facebook friends, like an old classmate or someone you've slept with"

"No Grandma, an iPad is not a new brand of Maxi Pads"

"What's the difference between Paul walker and my PC? I give a shit when my PC crashes."

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman? Mick Jagger says, ""Hey you, get offa' my cloud."" A Scotsman says, ""Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."""