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Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch? A bird that's ugly but doesn't give a hoot!"

"So this Kristen Stewart cheating stuff... Still a better love story than Twilight."

"Cop: Know why I stopped u? ""Cuz im going too fast?"" Cop: Yes, slow down. ""But it's been 6 months-"" Cop: U can't move in with her yet."

"Why did the broken straw go to rehab? It had a serious drinking problem."

"My girlfriend is the square root of -100 ... ... ... a ""10,"" but imaginary"

"You know your driving really sucks when your GPS says ""After 300 yards, stop and let me out"""

"What do you call a popular joke on reddit? repost"

"Ever have one of those days where you drink so much coffee that you can't hold the scalpel straight? LOL! It's like a Gallagher show!"

"[First Date] ""Okay don't let her know you're a tool shed"" Waiter: Anything to drink? Date: a screwdriver please *My head slowly opens*"

"""Penguins mate for life. Isn't that romantic?"" You open your mouth to answer but I spit my chewed up cake into it. ""You're my penguin."""