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Joke of the Day

"A man went to the doctors... He said ""Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains"" The doctor had him sectioned and detained under the Mental Health Act"

"What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One's a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other one's a fish."

"Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back with the rest of it's little Lego friends."

"*puts on pickle costume* *gets stuck in pickle costume* *calls friend* Could you please help me? I've gotten my myself into a pickle."

"Went to the doctors yesterday and was told I have to stop masturbating, Apparently it was upsetting the other people in the waiting room"

"My butcher is very rude I asked him for a cut of pork and he gave me the cold shoulder"

"Like most pale people I will be occupying the indoors this summer."

"The key to a long and good relationship is to keep the fights clean, and the sex dirty!!!"

"Chinese Takeaway - 24 Petrol To pick it up - 2 Getting home and realizing the twats have forgotten one of your containers. Riceless"

"On the way into work I dropped my doughnut on the sidewalk. You read about these things, but never think it'll happen to you."