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Joke of the Day

"(1st day in heaven) Me: Whoa- is that Elvis? Angel- no, it's an impersonator M: Wow, is that... A: listen man all we got is impersonators"

"What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? February 14th."

"I'm not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick."

"Why don't Korean captains wear hats? Because they don't know what to do with cap sizes."

"""Please. Make yourself at home."" *Brings cat and litter box inside* *Spreads cat poop on ground next to litter box*"

"Mumford and Sons next album is just going to be someone rubbing an antique burlap sack against a microphone for an hour."

"Spelling Errors? I don't do that typo thing."

"They say 3 out of 4 people text and drive Not me; I watch YouTube videos."

"how do you make 7 even? remove the ""s"""

"""Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?"" ""Not much, just working on my Theseus."""